Legacy
Legacy
Please note: this post is 25 months old and The Cares Family is no longer operational. This post is shared for information only
At that time we were leading a really fabulous life but when Joan was 80 she was diagnosed with dementia. It was not too bad at first and we could still enjoy our lives but she got progressively worse. One day while shopping in Morrison’s in Holloway, we had done our shopping and I was replacing the trolley with Joan standing next to me and then I turned around and she was gone. I searched for her but I could not find her anywhere. Then I heard something going on in the car park and somebody said that a woman had fallen over. It was Joan and they took her to Whittington Hospital, where they said she had broken both wrists. They put both her arms in plaster and that made it even harder to look after her.
She got progressively worse and it came to the point where she could not go out. We arranged to have a hospital bed in the living room up against the French Windows. I never went out except on a Wednesday, when her friend Barbara would come and sit with her for two hours so that I could go swimming. She died in May 2017. I kissed her and said goodbye and then I completely collapsed and my two girls had to comfort me. On the day of the funeral we told everybody not to wear black but to wear bright colours, which they did. I told them they were not to mourn Joan’s death but to celebrate her life. She had a really lovely service and we bought her and me a beautiful plot quite near the crematorium on a little hill. The girls bought a plot right next to ours and so even in death we will be close.
When I was younger I more or less devoted my life doing everything I could for my girls. Now that I am 92 and living on my own it has completely turned around and the girls have devoted their lives doing everything for me. They cook meals for me and put them in small plastic containers and put them in the freezer and I can take them out every day.
I was still living a busy life. Every Monday and Thursday morning I would go down to the Cally Pool, where I would swim 50 lengths front crawl non-stop. Previously I have written about me being some kind of leader and I did not know why they picked me but it happened again as they picked me to be the Chairman of the estate Committee. We let out the hall for things like birthday parties and wedding receptions.
One day I was reading a paper and in that was a picture of Leonardo Da Vinci. He had a very long beard and a black hat on and I thought I would like to have a go at drawing that. I did not know if I could as I had never done any drawing before. I went into an art class and told the teacher what I would like to do and she gave me a pencil and paper and I drew it. I was amazed by the result and I thought it was perfect. I have since framed it and whilst I am writing this I can see if and am still proud of it. That started me off and now I cannot stop drawing. Below is my picture of Leonardo Da Vinci.
For my 90th birthday I was in Spain with the girls. When we got back home I was told by the girls on the coming Sunday to make myself look smart as we were going somewhere special as part of my continuing celebrations. I had no idea where we were going. Sandra got me in the car and we drove up North Road and then into Goodinge Close, which is the entrance to the Community Centre. They walked me in and it is a very large hall but it was simply packed with people for my surprise birthday party. People from all walks of my life were there: my neighbours, my family, they came from all parts of the country. It was really a wonderful party and weeks after people were still talking about it and it was all arranged by Hazel and Sandra.
As I am writing this it is five days to my 92nd birthday. Sometime in the future I suppose it will all come to an end for me, which I hope is not too soon because when I am 100 years old I hope to update my story.
Fred
Fred has been part of the North London Cares community since 2012. He has attended film nights, Grand National Watch Parties, Saturday Night Dance Parties (of course with his beloved Joan until 2017) and so much more – deepening his years-long one-to-one friendship with younger neighbour Alex at the same time. A natural leader, Fred has spoken on behalf of North London Cares on BBC London Radio, on BBC1's One Show, on BBC1’s Inside Out series and in several of our own films. Joan also had a Love Your Neighbour friend, Lorna, and was delighted to be part of Lorna’s baby daughter Isla’s life. Fred and Joan even shared their 63rd anniversary at a North London Cares social! Fred wrote his memoirs during the lockdowns in 2020 and 2021 and is thrilled to publish them via the North London Cares website.